Naturalist Kamera |

At this point in my life, I don’t think I can accurately say what type of guy I am interested in. I have had dates with guys who are relaxed and not flamboyant, and I have had dates with guys who are very flamboyant. I am not using the word “flamboyant” as a negative connotation, I’m referring it to as a trait/quality/characteristic (however you want to phrase it) solely. I have found that I tend to click a lot easier with guys who are not flamboyant than guys who are. Why? I have a theory.

Literally every gay guy that I have met that has flamboyant characteristics seem to be very judgmental. I would be sitting with these guys and someone would be walking by doing nothing wrong, just being themselves and then the guy I was with would judge that person by the way they looked, walked, what they wore, and the list goes on. Non-flamboyant people judge too, but the one’s I’ve been with seem to be less vocal about it. Why do people do this? What purpose does it serve to judge people and then tell people about what you think about someone? Do people feel that talking to someone about someone they just judged is equivalent to a diary entry? Meaning, they’ve taken note of it and in their perspective it is worth mentioning? I can not answer for anyone why people judge other people. I catch myself sometimes walking downtown and seeing different people and jumping to unrealistic conclusions, and when I catch myself doing that, I try to think about something else. I’m not verbal about judging though. In fact I seem to be a magnet for people to tell me what they think of other people. I just shrug my shoulders and don’t contribute. It’s not my place to tell someone how they should act, they have a right to think whatever they want.

I have concerns about meeting judgmental people. Firstly, every judgmental person that I have had a date with has ended in failure. Maybe it was the outfit I was wearing? Lack of style? Physical characteristics? It could be many things. When talking to flamboyant guys, I enjoy conversations just as I would would a non-flamboyant guy. They are still a human being and deserve to be worthy of connection. But it never works out. This concerns me. When people jokingly do stereotypical impressions of gay guys to me, they usually have a lisp, high pitched voice and are judgmental. I think that is just what society stereotypes gays as. I think it reflects poorly on the gay community. I mean, the gay community already get scrutinized for being a sex-driven community. Most of the guys that have tried to connect with me have that underlying desire, so I can’t argue with that statement, but it is obviously not true for everyone. I would like to connect with guys of all different types, but I seem to hit a blockade with guys that seem to be flamboyant. Am I doing anything wrong? How do you get past this in guys?